Sunday, January 12, 2020

beach of broken glass- revision

She takes my hand by surprise
I was merely floating?
She convinces me I was drowning
I can see clearly the image she's planted- myself under the water gasping tryingly for any source of rescue
She pulls me ashore
Offers me false air to restore my lungs
It stings as I inhale
Though it tastes refreshing- dancing on my tongue 
My life feels brand new
We've met before in passing
The monster in my head and I
Now, she is me
Long curly dark hair, pale skin, green sunken eyes
I depend on her
Without me she cannot survive
Entangled 
Twisted together like two roots growing down the same path
Enmeshed 
Like two lovers who dare not part ways until the bittersweet end
What a beautiful tragedy
She doesn't allow me to swim
At fear I might not return 
To the shore of "safety" she's created for us to exist on
There's no freedom on her sand
Rules are always here
She gives promises she cannot uphold
Screams at me with every change of the wind
The wind tries to fall silent in return
I want to swim away from the beach now
I'm realizing her ways are like her sister's 
A figment of my imagination, no doubt
That relationship took up all that I was
Now teetering with nothing left to give
She wants it all- my entire soul
A beach full of broken glass has become home
In sand of shards I play
I pick up a hand full to see blood glistening in the sun's rays
Risking my very life
It's what she wants and I love her 
Yet, I'd see anything to see her go
In truth she'll never leave me
I must be the one to swim
Away from the beach of broken glass
Returning to participate, floating in life once again

Friday, January 10, 2020

stop

This body is a shell
A vessel
A mode of transportation 
Stop labeling it
Stop attaching value to it
Stop seeking my worth in it
Stop abusing it
Stop using it
You have your own

social anxiety

Are they looking
Do they even care
Am i enough 
Am i too much

what i can do

I am very special 
It is true
Here is an example
Of what i can do
I can pull air through my nose
Filling my lungs
I can empathize with others
Based on my own experiences 
I can peel back my eyelids gently 
Each morning and welcome the day
I can then reverse the process
Each night
Only to repeat again and again
I am very special 
It is true 
These are examples 
Of things i can do

Thursday, January 9, 2020

youth

"Open your eyes, foolish girl!" 
Her father hissed
"You're missing your damn life."
But, she, young and naive, was content behind her eyelids
Years passed
She began day dreaming
Eyes wide open
Of an escape to a better place 
Now, far from content in her life
To struck in the face by reality
Without the safety of her youth

faded

She woke up from a dream
To find she was still living
A nightmare 
Hell on earth
No simplicity 
Everything in her broken
Everything she tried broken
No way out
No way up
The fire in hell rose
And she, everything she was
Faded out

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Is love enough?

Will it be able to right all the wrongs?
To fade the red flags?
To conquer a rushing waterfall in mid stream?
Is love enough?