Saturday, August 17, 2019

Is love enough?

Will it be able to right all the wrongs?
To fade the red flags?
To conquer a rushing waterfall in mid stream?
Is love enough?


The age of which I was
I am unsure
Nine stands out
The thoughts began to swarm
I listened intently
Knowing what it wanted me to do
Too young or too smart?
I listened only
Nine bleeds into an early teen
Who rarely eats
Swallowing large amounts of water
Which came rushing through my lips
Teachers questioned
I denied
Protecting the voice
Which was hidden inside
Middle school was challenging to keep it together
Then I turned a not so sweet sixteen
The voice my best friend
I did as it said
Now adding purging and exercise
Soon followed by booze
It all stayed the same
Until I was in my early twenties
I went in
And came out only slightly more sane
The voice not faded
But I again tried to ignore
I failed
So I went back
Three times more
The voice it is still here
I listen quite intently
It depends on the day what I do with what I hear
I am quick to take it to heart
To take it too personally
To let it tear at my life
It whispers
It yells
The words are not the same
They have grown more mean
They are more harsh
Sometimes tears flood my eyes
When I don't do as it demands
Tears which may lead to freedom
Of the voice I've had since a child
I doubt it will ever go
It has hold
It is mine.


I want more
More inspiration
I want less
Less desperation
I need some
Some balance

Give me the formula for this fucking equation.


The thoughts are a steady flow tonight
The torture of my soul apparent
The words float out
All too many at the same time
I can't keep up
No one would be able
Instead I sit rocking
Hitting my head on the corner of a table

The wounds

Some you may see
Others I've hidden too well
The wounds on my skin
Are visible
To those who know me
No one can hear
The voice like I do
It echoes in my own head
It leaves wounds as well
These are seen only
When I am quite insane
The lies bursting out my ears
Taking away flesh from my body

I've grown

I am not a child
Not like I was then
I've grown older
I am not theirs
Not like I was then
I've grown my independence
I am not thin
Not like I was then
I've grown stronger
I am not a toy
I am not an object
I am not a sex slave
I am not what I was labeled
Not all the things I have been
I have grown
I have changed
Far from what I was then

Little girl

Little girl
Big, cold bed
A startling voice playing on repeat
Inside her sweet head
Little girl
It is not safe
The voice it will trick you
From inside your own dear head
Little girl
Please run
It is coming
Growing louder, louder
No longer will you ignore
The voice
Now screaming
Inside your own damn head
Little girl
You didn't listen to the warning
And now look where you are
Walls padded white surround you
All because of the voice in your sweet, dear, and damn head.