Monday, October 10, 2016

Recovery Progression

Week one- in my first week home in recovery I expect a roller-coaster. Good days and bad days. Hard times and easier times. I expect to have high urges most of the time as this is still the place I am in the recovery process. I do not think the voices will suddenly go away. In fact I think they will be louder without all the peer and meal support. I will have to work extra hard during my first week home to follow my meal plan as it will be critical to my process ongoing.
Week six- by week six I believe my recovery process will still be very fragile. With good days and bad days. By week 6 I think I will be struggling quite a bit emotionally as I will be seeing a new therapist as mine will be out on maternity leave. So this time period will also be crucial in my recovery. This is around the time I started crashing the last time I got out of treatment and having this hindsight could be helpful for me moving forwards.
Six months- hopefully six months into recovery I will be able to make it through my meals without crying. I will still be having urges but it will be easier to ignore them and do the next best thing. I believe I will still have to take it meal by meal and moment by moment. I do not expect recovery to be easy at this point in my process. I think this is important to be aware of. Hopefully I will be able to run by this point in my journey in moderation. Running is something I was loved until I started abusing it as a means to lose weight and run myself into the ground,
One year- It is hard for me to imagine being in recovery for a year but I hope I can get there. I hope I will be stable in my meal plan by this point. I still do not think it will be easy or that I wont have urges but hopefully the urges will just be a fleeting thing in the back of my mind. It almost seems like a dream to me to make it to a year of recovery and I really don't know what it will hold for me. I can only write about what I hope for it to be. I hope to be dating again. I hope to be stable in my job and not worrying all the time about working out or over working out my kids in dance (although I will be doing this from the time I get back to work with conscious effort).
Six years- Again, I have no idea what recovery will look like in six years. Or what my life will look like in general so I can only fantasize about what I think I want my life to look like. Hopefully I will be married. Wow, that sounds so weird. I want to settle down and spend my life with someone. I will be intuitively eating and exercising by this point. Probably still having the occasional eating disorder thought but then just moving on with my day. I will have graduated grad school and will have a steady job.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

How does my black and white thinking effect my recovery and keep me stuck in my ED?

      My black and white thinking keeps me stuck in my ED and limits me in my recovery. It keeps me stuck in my eating disorder as I see things as all or nothing. If I lapse in my recovery process I think fuck it I have failed and fall into more ed behaviors. I want my recovery to be perfect. Unfortunately. there is no such thing as a perfect recovery. Every recovery has its ups and downs and this is known as the grey area. The problem is I do not see the grey area for myself. I want it to exist for me. I am trying to combat my all or nothing thinking by beginning to do the next best thing. Focusing on the next step and the smaller picture has made me more successful in my recovery process. When I look at the big picture, or even a whole day at a time, I get stressed out thinking there is no way I can do recovery. My black and white thinking also keeps me stuck in my exercise habits. I think I have to run X amount of miles or X amount of time or its not worth it. This is a very dangerous area for me because exercise is something I love doing when I'm not abusing it. I have to once again find the grey area that I prefer to think of balance, I need to learn how to have balance in my life. Moderation of exercise not over doing it and not just doing a little because I think its not worth it or that it wont burn enough calories. I am trying to do the same thing with food (following my meal plan of course) but thinking of having all foods in moderation. This is very difficult for me as I have lived for so long as viewing foods as good or bad and I'm working very hard to accept that all foods are acceptable in moderation.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Menu plan last week IOP

Monday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk almonds and fruit
Lunch- turkey and cheese wrap with fruit
Dinner- chicken stir-fry with brown rice

Tuesday

Breakfast- granola with yogurt and fruit
Lunch- salmon salad with dressing and toast
Dinner- PB&J with pretzels and fruit
hs- popcorn

Wednesday

Breakfast- oatmeal with soy milk almonds and fruit
Lunch- turkey and cheese sandwich with veggie straws and hummus
Dinner- pasta with marinara sauce

Thursday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk almonds and fruit
Lunch- chicken stir-fry with brown rice
hs- popcorn

Friday

Breakfast- granola with yogurt and fruit
Lunch- PB&J with pretzels and fruit
Dinner- turkey and cheese wrap with pretzels and fruit

Saturday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk almonds and fruit
Lunch- grilled cheese with soup
Dinner- pasta with marinara sauce
hs- popcorn

Sunday

Breakfast- granola with yogurt and fruit
Lunch- hamburger helper
Dinner- left overs

Saturday, October 1, 2016

IOP meal plan Oct. 3

Monday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk, almonds, and fruit
am snack- veggie straws with hummus
Lunch- turkey and cheese wrap with pretzels and fruit snacks
Dinner- pasta with meat sauce

Tuesday

Breakfast- granola with yogurt and fruit
Lunch- nachos with turkey, black beans, and cheese
Dinner- salmon salad with dressing and toast
hs- oreos with milk

Wednesday

Breakfast- oatmeal with soy milk, almonds, and fruit
am snack- carrots with hummus
Lunch- pb&j with veggie straws and fruit
Dinner- cheese and chicken quesadilla with chips and salsa


Thursday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk, almonds, and fruit
Lunch- ramen noodles with veggies
hs- ice cream

Friday

Breakfast- granola with yogurt and fruit
am snack- oreos with milk
Lunch- chicken and veggie stir-fry with brown rice
Dinner- salmon with brown rice and veggies

Saturday

Breakfast- oatmeal with soy milk, almonds, and fruit
Lunch- burrito with chips and salsa
Dinner- chicken and veggie stir-fry with brown rice
hs- popcorn

Sunday

Breakfast- cereal with soy milk, almonds, and fruit
Lunch- pb&j with veggie straws and fruit
Dinner- salad with salmon and dressing